Full Circle.
(Again, sa mga nagaakalang kinupit ko ang journal na ito sa kung sino-sino, no way dudes. Ako ang nagsulat nito.)
18 years. 216 months. Approximately 6,480 days. That’s how long I have been in this earth. It was the night of February 26, that started it all. I was born under the stars, lucky or unlucky. I believe that the day I was born, God gave me my ultimate mission. Not my destiny, for the others; It was a choice.
I grew up a normal child, just like most of us. I thanked God that my parents weren’t seperated or divorced, unlike the trend that seems to pop up everywhere. (OK, maybe on a few occassions, but they still get along ^^). I reminisced the time I grew up as a normal kid. We get spanked. We play with others. We learn. But by some degree, I did learn more.
I studied at a respectable school, (but if you can respect a school that OPs its students, yup it is), met friends and the like. I fell down the hierarchy of ‘knowledgable’ students, but I did learn a few more back at the bottom of the class. It’s not always the brainiacs who gets the first dibs on information, you know.
I’ve met friends from the bottom half of the world (the school world), and sad to say that is the reason why I’ve seen the world as a dirty place to live in. And yet, those that are the ’stupids’ have taught me the value of my life. As I see them, huff and puff their life away like it was a cigarette in hand, it told me of my choice. The future. If I should be an asshole and join them, or the seclude myself from the world, learning the environment by the ways of philosophy. My own. That is why I thank my english teacher for this. She taught me the value of reading, and my untapped ability to write.
Philosophy and writing. My two cents. I haven’t been able to include drawing and animation here, even though I am from fine arts, since I still have nothing to be proud of. But amidst my weakness, I strive at that college, again learning of the ways by means of observation. If I should graduate there, at least it’s because I persevered, but if I don’t, then I’ll just try again, to pursue my dream. Of making Itsuki, Yumi, Kazuki and Fiona, Itou, Yul, Tren and my own story come alive and be enjoyed by the world.
Of everything I have learned, I shall at least write it down for reference.
1. God is love.
2. On this world, there is no such a thing as love. It is an emotion copied from the original love given by God to us, and that is UNCONDITIONAL. Meanwhile, the love on this earth is purely physical and of the beings’ own fetish for one part of the other being. (Beauty, Brains, Brawn, Money, and all the other existensial aspects.) As such, I do not believe, in true love.
3. There are two instincts of the human mentality; constructive and destructive. We are naturally good, and can do better things not only for someone, but the entire human race. But we can’t deny, also, that we have the seed of destruction in all of us. We ravage everything around us without feeling guilt or anything. It is on the beings’ own choice what instinct to follow.
4. That there is no longer any hope for the human race. They are bound to destroy everything, because it is their choice of instinct.
5. That I will devote myself to be a guardian. That is, offering my life for the service of mankind, even though I know it would be fruitless. For that mission to be initiated, I must endure the loneliness of a thousand people, never to be loved by anyone around me. Only by detaching myself from humanity, can I become their servant.
6. That with God, anything I do is possible.
If I will love someone, I hope it is someone that will love me, without reason. For that, it’s because even if I lose a part of myself, physical or otherwise, she wouldn’t relieve her love for me. But as I see it, THERE IS NO SUCH PERSON IN THE WORLD. Alas, my mission goes on…
Why is it called FULL CIRCLE, you ask? As my father and mother, and all that extends to my line in the present, learned of their own experiences, it is now my time for my own. I live in the glory of the future, wondering how to pass my own knowledge to mankind. It is through the future, I leave with a fear for tomorrow, but at least a bit of hope for it.
